Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
