I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
