so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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