just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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