I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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