hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
