Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
