between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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