my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
