I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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