Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
