The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
