i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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