things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
