You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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