You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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