Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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