Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
