Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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