happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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