Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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