Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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