I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
