Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
