Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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