It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
