Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
