If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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