Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
