took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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