So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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