This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
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bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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