i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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