I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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