Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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