What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
