I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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