it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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