she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
