He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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