A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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