I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
