if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
