Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
