i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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