U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
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He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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