you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
