I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
