dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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