You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
