I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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