I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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