is your mom at the bar?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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