The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
