Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
