take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
