what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he fucked my hip out of place.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
