Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
