All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
