You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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