Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
