my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
