Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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