Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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