so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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