see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize