I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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