I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
