We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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