I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You're like the curious george of whores
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
