Someone shit on the floor
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
