and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
