if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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