Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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