I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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