K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
