tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
