I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
