doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
