so explain again why im purple
no
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
